What will happen? Only the shadow knows

the weekend

the days before

before what?

before understanding what my next 3 months looks like

I'm feeling good overall

the fatigue is tough

naps help

a temporary energy boost

a shot in the arm

but it doesn't last

the fatigue comes back

but monday is the big one

why?

because it's a monday?

no, because i get new photos

of my insides

thats kind of cool

not a self

but an insider-selfie

what will it show?

I don't know

and I struggle

why?

because imaging is not an exact science

although nothing is

science is what we know at this moment

and imaging is interpreted

by people

people can be great,

but people aren't perfect

but I think my images will be good

I think. I hope

I don't feel worse

just more tired

no other new symptoms

fatigue, stomach, skin issues.

pretty much the story of my life

so what happens monday?

i get pricked first (yes, I am a child)

CBC, CMP and a lot of fun

diagnostics of my blood, and my organs

are things working the way they should?

any watch outs?

how's my glucose. thats a concern

i don't want diabetes,

I have enough to deal with

after the pricking

i get my photos taken

first the MRI

love those noises!

luckily I am not claustrophobic

then the chest CT

breathe in, breathe out, hold your breath

I don't know you, lady, but I won't forget your voice

and then?

results. AI, my knowledge,

all hit before I see the doctor on tuesday

he will tell me what I already know

and we will discuss options

watch, wait, treat and how

who knows

that's what determines my next 3 month window

do I just go through the whole thing again in three months?

do I need surgery or some treatment?

Monday, I will know

Tuesday, I will confirm

It's crazy, knowing that a test predicts your life for the next few months

but it does

that's where we are

that's where I am

but I do know

i can handle it

i've been handling it

and I won't stop

It's not about killing my tumors

it's about living my best life

with a serious illness

and next week,

I find out what the next chapter holds for me

am I scared?

no

but am I aware?

trying to be

i don't have the word for what I am

not scared, anxious, worried

maybe unknowing, needing more info, and resolved?

but whatever happens, happens

and I'll deal

Ill keep working

Ill keep volunteering

Ill keep trying to help people

Ill keep paddling for my dragon boat team

and Ill always have my burtness

cause while cancer is serious

its not me. its just a piece of me

and that won't change because of monday

somethings might

but being burt won't

my burtness will stay in full effect