Singing in the RAIN

Not sure why, but lately sleep has been more of an issue. It could be the fact that I am taking more on at work (I've been here a year!), the radiation, the weather, who knows. But whatever it is, I don't love it.

I fall asleep pretty easily. I usually meditate at night (I know, i know, but it helps me) and don't have a problem drifting off. But, I am waking up more. And not only am I waking up more, but now I wake up with what we affectionately call "monkey mind", where my mind is all over the place and I can't stop thinking.

I've tried meditating in the middle of the night and focusing on stuff like my breath, but my mind still wanders. I've thought more about it, and found that, when I was trying to focus on my breath, I was working since focus of any kind for me takes work. So, for a while, I started just letting my mind wander and tried not to fight it. That didn't work either.

On Thursday, I had therapy, which always helps. We discussed many things (remember, focus isn't my strong suit) but we discussed two things most; RAIN (I will explain in a minute) and music and how it helps me to feel and express my emotions.

First, RAIN, or practicing radical compassion. I am not going to go into the history or thought behind RAIN, you can read more about it here if you are interested.

RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture.

• Recognize what is going on

• Allow the experience to be there, just as it is

• Investigate with interest and care

• Nurture with self-compassion

As you can see, it's not about stopping what's going on, but it's more about allowing it to happen and trying to understand and appreciate it.

I've just started using RAIN but it makes complete sense to me and I have no doubt it will help me. As mentioned, I was working hard to quiet my mind down, but, leaning into it, understanding it, allowing it to happen, and appreciating it makes so much more sense to me. In essence, I will be going WITH the flow instead of AGAINST it. Much easier, less work, calming, etc.

The other thing we talked about was music. I have blogged about the impact that music has on me before. It makes me cry, makes me smile, makes me think. One of my therapist's suggestions was to try to set aside time for myself to listen to music everyday to let me feel and help me process and express my emotions. I have been trying! My current playlist that I listen to, because it makes me think, I put together after I got diagnosed. It's pretty eclectic but every song has an element that makes me feel something. If you decide to listen, enjoy it!

Anyway, I hope my exploration of my mental health and emotions makes sense, and I hope it helps you too!