Pivot

A pivot

changing direction

starting one way and going another.

Life is full of them, no?

I had planned a trip

My "celebration of having"

on the 4th year of my diagnosis (7/1)

a time to be by myself

to reflect about myself

and to figure out how i've changed

and how I want to change

But,

rain.

Wiped out months of excitement

months of planning

months of dreaming

but

i'll pivot.

it won't stop me

July 1 is the day

I'll go to the beach

I don't care if it rains there

a beach is wet anyway

Ill take a long walk

examine my life

make sure that I am living the life I want to live

This is one I don't plan to pivot on.

No matter the circumstance

But where else do we pivot?

I lost someone who was kind of a friend today (not an aquiantance but not close)

i've lost other friends

its never easy.

We don't pivot,

but we do slightly change our directions.

When things happen, they nudge us

we aren't always walking the same path

something changes

That's what i've learned

I am mostly a happy guy.

I don't give cancer hell

I don't say fuck cancer

I am not a warrior.

Cancer is a part of me

and I refuse to fight myself,

or to hate myself

It causes me and has caused me to pivot

to maybe change my direction

even if its ever so slightly.

But it's a good pivot

I've learned a lot

and I like myself better

I am not sure if this poem makes sense

but it's what i am thinking about.

So, for today, I am on my path,

although slightly pushed by a death.

But I will pivot from my trip.

It was just a trip

but it meant something to my me time

and that I can pivot for.