This is a tough post for me to write, and I have to warn you, it might be a bit all over the place.
For context, I was raised Jewish and am a proud cultural jew. I am not religious at all, don't believe in god, and I kind of don't like organized religion of any kind. If anyone wants to discuss more feel free to reach out, but thats not what this post is about.
My lack of religion doesn't play in the cancer world. If I had a dollar for everyone who posts about god and how god will save you (and usually referred to as a "he") I would be wealthy and never have to pay for anything. I just don't believe it and it gets harder and harder for me to read and deal with. After all, if god is going to save you, does that mean god is going to save you from what god gave you to begin with? This is a struggle for me, I admit. I know I have to get over this but it does feed into my own thinking and journey. And I can't act on pure faith that someone or something else will take care of me and solve my problems. For me, my own knowledge, involvement and decision making are what will make the difference. But thats me, and I am different from others.
A few things. I NEVER judge others for what they believe. We are all individuals and are entitled to believe what we believe as long as it doesn't cause harm to others. Second, I appreciate everyone who prays for me. While I might not believe in a god, who knows, and why not cover all the bases, and I appreciate the fact that people are thinking about how they can help me in the way they know how. And again, I am all for people believing what they want to believe, whatever that may be.
Now, lets move on. A lot of things have happened with me that have led me to think more about mindfulness, spirituality, synchronicity, the universe, higher calling, etc. I am finding a lot of that within myself. Whether its through meditation, going to yoga, or just thinking more about life, where I am, why I am, how things are connected, etc. I would still not consider myself spiritual, but I do believe in the collective good and that people coming together do have power. I guess, to be crystal clear, I don't believe in a god or collection of gods. I believe that whatever I will find will come from within me.
There are some things that I just cant explain. I can write them off as coincidences, but sometimes they are just too oddly connected. For example, when I wrote about going to the Blazers game against the NETs. It was the first game I have been to in years, I went with Eddie, and it was against a team named after my cancer (another odd coincidence) from the city I grew up in with a player who is my least favorite in the NBA playing my favorite team.
Yesterday, I went food shopping and bought a bottle of Cholula hot sauce, one of our favorites. Last night, at 11:51PM, I get a note from an old friend from Australia who I haven't spoken to in well over 8 years other than social media crap. He told me that yesterday, he bought a bottle of Cholula which I introduced him too when he was in the USA visiting. Come on, thats a weird one. I started to cry. I couldn't explain the connection, but it seemed too connected to be a pure coincidence.
These synchronicities keep on coming. Could they be pure coincidence? Sure, it's possible. Are they something more than coincidence? I guess that's possible too.
I am not sure where I am going to end up on my mindfulness/spiritual/collective journey. I have my thoughts but I am open to everything (or most things) and will continue to think about it all. I just wanted to share where I am with it since its top of mind and very a very common discussion in a world I now participate in.
And I really hope I didn't offend anyone with my thoughts. These are my thoughts and are about me.